Fat Goth-One Hundred Percent Suave

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It’s been a hell of a week. Extreme right , the guys who think Hitler had the right idea, made huge strides in the EU elections, something I never thought I’d experience in my life time, and in New Orleans, where I live, some armed nut wants to patrol the French Quarter, the center of local tourism, to ‘help keep us safe’.

So when the GIITTV editor was looking for volunteers to write some negative reviews, I figured it might be just the thing I needed to let off some steam. And lo and behold, what fell into my lap but Fat Goth‘s “One Hundred Percent Suave“.

Ok, so…Fat Goth? Self deprecating humor, or a swipe at a much maligned sub culture? In the first case, not very funny, in the second case, pretty lame. You don’t need to put down Goth culture; they’ve been doing a pretty good job of that by themselves for years.

“One Hundred Percent Suave”? Sounds like a good line for an aftershave commercial. Tongue-in-cheek post ironic humor, perhaps?

But no. There’s nothing remotely tongue-in-cheek about this release. If there was, it might actually hold up pretty well as a parody of self-indulgent, pretentious pseudo indie rock. But these guys are dead serious.

Opener “Persuasion” isn’t half bad, a melodic, gently swaying Red Hot Chili Peppers sound alike with some tasty guitar playing and sweet harmonies.

However…

With “Sweet Mister Scary” it becomes painfully obvious what’s in store for the rest of the record. Testosterone fueled Big Drums ( sounding like wet cardboard), distorted guitar riffs straight from the Cliché Store whose flirting with prog rock complexity only makes them sound more pathetic, a bass player with a Flea complex, and most of all, vocals that are just…HORRID.

Every fucking song follows the exact same pattern: first the lifeless, hyperventilating drums, then the tired prog meets AC/DC guitar riffs, and then the half-sung, half-growled vocals, sounding like the high school weirdo who can’t get a date because he’s just…weird….venting his frustration.

(Kind of like I’m doing in this review. But anyway. )

The boundless energy possessed by this trio only make the music that much more grating and tiresome. Guys: get a hobby or something? Talk about wasted effort…

The band’s influences are some of the best in the genre, like Bad Brains and early Damned, and “The Solitaire” even brings to mind some no wave type grunge funk, but…really. It just makes me tired.

On Closer “Calegynephobia”, a well-written guitar ballad, the band almost redeem themselves. But the crooney vocals are truly nausea inducing, and the song quickly degenerates into more hyper active distorted funk-rock-prog. Perhaps there is a future yet for Fat Goth as a slightly creepy wedding band?

Fat Goth are kind of like that guy you had a halfway intelligent conversation with years ago, and now wants to tell you his life story every time he spots you, so you just learn to avoid him. He’s not a bad guy, but…he just tries so damn hard. And he clearly doesn’t know when to quit.

Fat Goth obviously have chops to burn, and good for them. But…please. Listen to some Stockhausen or something. Or Brian Eno, or 30s blues. Chops and energy are no substitute for originality, ideas, and most importantly, vision. Not to mention a sense of humor!

As it is Fat Goth have about as much vision as my 90 old grand ma without her glasses.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go strangle a cat.

[Rating:1]

God is in the TV is an online music and culture fanzine founded in Cardiff by the editor Bill Cummings in 2003. GIITTV Bill has developed the site with the aid of a team of sub-editors and writers from across Britain, covering a wide range of music from unsigned and independent artists to major releases.